42 – They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
43 – Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.
44 – All the believers were together and had everything in common.
45 – Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.
46 – Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,
47 – praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
I am very faithful about taking a multi-vitamin each and every morning. I do this because I want to make sure my body gets all its minimum daily requirements of those vitamins and minerals that are necessary in order to help keep my aging body healthy and strong. For example, I get enough Vitamin E and folic acid so as to promote cardio-vascular health, enough Vitamin C to help me be less-susceptible to colds, sufficient milligrams of…Vitamins A and D as well as magnesium and calcium to maintain healthy bones, and so on. And as you can clearly see it is obviously working!
Well, this week I read about another minimum daily requirement that all people have. In order to stay emotionally and physically healthy all people REQUIRE friends.
Now, I’m not talking about CASUAL acquaintances. All of us have more than enough of those surface-level relationships. I’m referring to our inborn need for DEEP friendships with other people. Back in 1995 newspaper columnist, MARLA PAUL was brave enough to admit this need in her popular column in the Chicago Tribune. She wrote, The loneliness saddens me. How did it happen that I could be forty-two years old and not have enough friends? I recently read my daughter Hans Christian Andersen’s The Ugly Duckling. I felt an immediate kinship with this bird who flies from place to place looking for the creatures with whom he belongs. He eventually finds them. I hope I do too. The day after Marla’s column appeared, the switchboard at The Tribune was flooded with calls from people who said they wrestled with the same loneliness. People even stopped Marla on the street and at her daughter’s school to say that they understood exactly what she was saying and empathized with her. They too hungered for close friends. Letters poured in from all over the country. In fact her I need friends column generated seven times more mail than usual…all from women who said in essence that they felt the same inner loneliness.
And, by the way, this problem is not unique to women. We men are notorious for having casual surface acquaintances with others…teammates, business associates, customers, golfing buddies, and fishing pals…but we hide the fact that we too long for close friendships…soul-mates…kindred spirits. Jim Conway, author of several books dealing with men’s issues writes, The American male is lonely and friendless, but he tries to maintain his macho image at all costs, even if it means isolation from people.
Now, all this points to the fact that LONELINESS is becoming a national disease. You could say that we all are relationally challenged. Psychologist Richard Farson writes, Millions of people in America have never had one minute in their whole lifetime where they could ‘let down’ and share with another person their deeper feelings.
And in the same way that we suffer when we don’t take our vitamins, there is a price to pay for not having our minimum daily relational requirements for friendships met. Dr. James Lynch, in his book The Broken Heart cites statistics showing that adults without deep relationships have a DEATH RATE that is twice as high as those who enjoy regular caring interaction with others. This is because studies show that our relational life has just as much impact on our physical health as does obesity, smoking, high blood pressure, and lack of exercise.
All this is due to the fact that our Creator did not design us to live relationally disconnected lives. No, as Bill Hybels says, God wired us with a desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, to serve and be served. We were created to be in relationship…with God-as I told you last Sunday-and also with other people. We were designed for community. This is why after God formed Adam from the dust of the ground, He commented, It is NOT good for man to be alone.
Well, when Christ came He founded a group of people who He specially gifted to meet our relational needs. And the group I am referring to is the church-a church family like the one described in today’s text…a group of Christians who acknowledge Jesus as head, people who relate to each other in a way that reflects Jesus’ sacrificial love for us all.
Think about it. Our church family is a very important to us. These people are a central part of our lives. We see each other several times a week. We laugh together. We cry together. Our closest possible friends tend to be found in our church family. Many times even our physical family springs from the church. I mean, where did you find your spouse? Most of you, like me, found him or her in a church family-probably the same one in which the two of you were eventually married. Who gathered around you to pledge to work with you as you dedicated yourself to raise your children so that they could come to understand and respond to God’s love in sending Jesus to earth? Right! It was your church family.
When our children grow up and marry it is our church family who comes to witness their vows and to celebrate their union. When we grieve over the death of family members or spouses…our church family members come along side and cry with us and help us. When the doctor tells us we have a disease that just may take our lives it is usually not a neighbor or some coworker at the office who enters into that crisis and says, I understand. No, it is most often someone from our church.
In a church family that relates as Jesus intended, masks come off, conversations get deep, hearts get vulnerable, lives are shared, accountability is invited, and tenderness grows. In a church body where Jesus is honored as head, AGAPE, self-sacrificing love abounds…and when it does people really do become brothers and sisters. They gather to share from their hearts on the deepest levels. They walk compassionately with each other through life’s problems and pain.
Now, no church family is perfect but there really is nothing like the church family when it comes to providing us with our inner need for deep relationships with other people. Surely, of all the gifts that God gave us when He sent His Son to earth that first Christmas, this is one of the most precious!
Well, what is it about the church that makes it such a wonderful Christmas gift from God? I mean, how does a church family satisfy our relational needs? It can do this when Christians are mature enough to relate to each other according to the instructions in the Bible…that describe how people are to interact. For example, mature Christian brothers and sisters…
1. …give each other unconditional LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.
You see, in most secular people groups acceptance is based on what you do or don’t do. But in a church family acceptance is not based on performance…on what we do. No, it is founded on who we are-priceless beings for whom Jesus Christ died. This is why Romans 15:7 says, Accept one another, just as Christ accepted you.
Now, how did our Lord do that? How did Jesus accept us? Unconditionally. He opened His arms to us and loved us-even while we were unlovely-and church family members who truly make Christ Lord do the same for each other. Gary Ingrid tells the story of some parents on the East Coast who got a telephone call from their son during the Korean war. He said he was on his way home and was in San Francisco. They were thrilled, because they had not heard from him in many months. He said, Mom, I just wanted you to know that I’m bringing a buddy home with me. He got hurt pretty bad, and he only has one eye, one arm, and one leg. I’d sure like to let him live with us. Sure, son, his mother replied. He sounds like a brave man. We can find a room for him for a while. Mom, you don’t understand. I want him to come to live with us. Well okay, she finally said. We could try it for six months or so. No mom, I want him to stay with us. He needs us. He’s only got one eye, one arm, and one leg. He’s really in bad shape. By now his mother had lost her patience. She said, Son, you’re being unrealistic about this. You’re emotional because you have been in a war. That boy will be a drag on you and a constant problem for all of us. Be reasonable. When she said this the phone clicked dead and the next day, the parents got a telegram telling them their son had committed suicide-apparently shortly after he hung up the phone. When his body arrived, his parents looked down with unspeakable sorrow on the corpse of their son…who had one eye, one arm and one leg. He was the one who had been horribly wounded and disfigured in battle and he yearned to know that he was unconditionally loved in spite of it.
And, all of us have this same inner longing to be accepted as we are in spite of our character flaws, shortcomings, insecurities, and immaturity. We need to know that someone accepts us because they want to, not because they have to. We require unconditional love.
I’m not saying we need to ignore each other’s sinful actions, but we need to love sinners before we can help restore them and move them along to spiritual growth. David Smith defines friendship in this way, A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you’ve become and STILL gently invites you to grow [in Christlikeness].
The Bible teaches us that Jesus was scandalously generous in distributing love. Wherever He went people sensed the unconditional love of God. And when Christians obey Jesus’ command, it is the same in the church. Maturing believers realize that as Patrick Morely says, The height of our love for God will never exceed the depth of our love for one another.
A then, a second thing about the church family when Christians follow Jesus’ command to love one another they show that love by…
2. …making each other’s PAIN their own.
In a church family we find people who know and obey Galatians 6:2 where it says, bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. There are many times in my life that I have experienced this burden-bearing as other believers helped me endure hardship but one incident that sticks out in memory occurred when I served on the staff of Bethany Baptist Church in Wilmington, Delaware. One winter I had just bought a new suit. And I don’t buy new suits too often. I tend to plan on their lasting several decades at least. Well, I was the last to leave the church one night-or so I thought-and as I was walking across the parking lot to get in my car, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell-HARD. When I was able to get back on my feet and examine my wounds I noticed that I had ripped my new suit pants horribly, beyond hope of repair, and it was the first time I had worn it. There was this terrible rip and it wasn’t any where near a seam. I was both angry at myself for being so careless and also worried at the same time because I knew I couldn’t afford to replace the suit. But I hobbled across the ice, got in my car, and drove home.
The next day when I came in the office there was an envelope on my desk. Inside was a gift certificate for $150 from J.C. Penney and a note from an anonymous church member referring to himself or herself as one of Santa’s helpers and saying this gift certificate was to replace my suit that had been ruined the night before. To this day I don’t know who they were or how they knew what had happened. And, I still have that suit by the way, even though it doesn’t quite fit. It’s precious to me because it reminds me of a church family, where one of it’s members literally made my burden their own. He or she was a true friend, the kind of friend you tend to find in a church family. And many of you could tell your own stories of times when Christian brothers and sisters here at Redland or other churches did similar things.
Now, why is this so? Why do you find people at church who will sacrifice to meet your needs? We do because each of us here have had our burdens lightened by the same Savior. Our sins have been washed away by the same blood. We all have the same Lord Who has laid down His life for us and this inspires us to do the same for each other. You see, since we have all experienced God’s grace, it makes it possible for us to experience true koinonia, true friendship, and when we do it results in two special kinds of sharing. First we share some THING with someone, something tangible, like that new suit. We help each other with concrete needs like the Christians in the early church did when they, sold their possessions and gave to anyone as they had need.
But secondly we also share something WITH someone. When fellow Christians go through tough times, we hurt WITH them. We rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Philip Yancey writes, The church is a place where we can bring our pain, for it was founded by One Whose body was broken for us, in order to give us life. Do you remember Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28 ? He said, Come to Me all who are weary and over-burdened and I will give you rest. Well a church is a place where people find this kind of rest because they share their life’s burdens with other Christians who love them in this Christlike manner. A church family can be a place where burdens are divided and joys multiplied.
And then third way a church meets our relational needs is when they follow the teachings of God’s Word and…
3. …help us to be our their BEST by using the tools of ENCOURAGEMENT and ADMONISHMENT.
You see in a church you tend to find people who know the importance of obeying the command of Hebrews 10:24 where it says, Let us think of one another and how we can ENCOURAGE one another to love and do good deeds. In Greek the word for encouragement is paraklesis. It is used more than a hundred times in the New Testament, so it is an important word for us to understand. It literally means, to be called alongside of. Hundreds of years ago Gregory of Nyssa, one of the early church fathers, expressed it in this way:
At horse races the spectators intent on victory shout to their favorites in the contest. From the stands they participate in the race with their eyes, thinking to incite the charioteer to keener effort, at the same time urging the horses on, while leaning forward and flailing the air with their outstretched hands instead of a whip. I seem to be doing the same thing myself, most valued friend and brother. While you are competing admirably in the ‘divine race’ along the course of virtue, I exhort, urge, and encourage you vigorously to increase your speed.
All this means that the Christians who make up a healthy church family root for each other. They spur each other on to love and good deeds by encouraging them. In a church family we find people who are FOR us…people who believe in our God-given potential. You could say that Christians are bleacher people because they cheer each other on in life. They celebrate each other’s victories and mourn their setbacks.
Now, encouraging one another…believing in someone’s potential…often involves correcting a brother or sister in the Lord when they sin and stray from that potential. This is the ADMONISHING part of helping someone to be their best. Sometimes people think doing the loving thing means doing what the person I love would want me to do. This is of course, not love. It is not even sane. Try it with a three-year-old and odds are they’ll not make it to four.
No, being FOR someone is a deeper quality of friendship than just wanting to spare them pain. If I am really FOR a person, then I am willing to risk saying painful things, if pain is the only way to bring growth. True love is ready to warn, reprove, confront or admonish when it is needed. So, the kind of friends you find in a church family keep you on the cutting edge of personal growth, by encouraging your progress AND by being willing to speak the truth to you in love even when it means a confrontation. As Romans 15:14 says, if we have real Christian character and experience we are, …capable of keeping one another on the right road.
And the truth is we need a community that loves like this because we need the perspective of others in life. We cannot see all of ourselves by ourselves. You know, I did not realize how bald I was until I looked in one of those sets of six mirrors at J.C. Penney while trying on a suit and was finally able to see part of my head I had never seen before. This is due to the fact that the way our eyes are positioned, we an only see about 70% of our physical bodies. If it were not for some outside reflector, such as a mirror we would never know what our faces or the back of our heads or the back of our shoulders look like. It takes something other than ourselves to be able to see all of our physical selves and what is true in terms of our physical bodies is true about other aspects of our personhood as well. We need each other to help us become all that we can be for Jesus. We need the perspective that a loving church family gives.
Now I’m not saying that we should take it on ourselves to tell everyone here what their faults are. True love never desires to inflict pain for pain’s sake. I’m simply saying that when we see a fellow Christian heading down the wrong road, we should in love-and this is the key-tell him and help him to get back on the right road.
And it works both ways…when we are lovingly admonished by a fellow Christian, we should not get defensive and angry and go run to the pastor. No, we should accept that admonition in love it was given and thank the person for caring about us enough to tell us. So, to summarize, in a church family we find people who meet out inborn relational needs because it is there that we find people who love us unconditionally, friends who make our burdens their own, and, fellow Christians who work to help us be our best by using the tools of encouragement and admonishment. But, the characteristic of a church family that makes it most ideal for satisfying our inner loneliness is the fact that…
4. …it gives us people with whom we have something very fundamental in COMMON.
You see, the main thing on which any friendship is founded is something known as AFFINITY…which is just another word for common ground. Chemists use the term affinity to describe the attraction that causes atoms to bond with each other. And, in friendships, affinity at its most basic level is an attraction between two people. It refers to those things that attract us to each other so that a friendship can grow. Think of affinity as friendship seeds. Perhaps the friendship seeds that led to your relationship with another person was your mutual love of golf or STAR TREK or crafts or Jan Karon novels. And, our lives are full of people with whom we have this kind of surface level affinity. But, as I alluded to earlier, we have a need for a DEEPER level of affinity because these surface level friendships don’t hold up under the stresses of life. This is what King Solomon was getting at in Proverbs 18:24 when he wrote,
A man of many COMPANIONS may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. This friend who sticks closer than a brother is someone with whom we share a deep-level affinity. We don’t just find common GROUND but common VALUES. We share a consensus concerning our core beliefs. We don’t’ just talk about a task we’re doing together; we share emotions and personal experiences. In the Old Testament David and Jonathan had this quality of affinity. Their souls were intertwined because they both based their lives on a deeply held love for God. This was the foundation of their famous friendship. Gary Inrig addresses this principle when he writes, The quality of a friendship is nearly always determined by the quality of that which unites us.
So, our need for deep relationships is met best by the church family, because, as I said earlier, it is there that we find people who, like us, have experienced the grace of God. We find other people who have given their lives to Jesus Christ and because of that, is where we find soul-mates in the truest sense of the word.
This reminds me of a story told by Max Lucado about two twins: Ruth and Verena Cady.
Lucado points out that as Christian brothers and sisters, we are much like these twins.
Since their birth in 1984 these two have shared so much. Just like any twins, they have shared a bike, a bed, a room and toys. They’ve shared meals and stories and TV shows and birthdays. They shared the same WOMB before they were born and the same ROOM after they were born. But the bond between Ruthie and Verena goes even further. You see, their bodies are fused together from the sternum to the waist. Though they have separate nervous systems and distinct personalities, they are sustained by the same, singular three-chambered heart. Neither could survive without the other. Since separation is not an option, cooperation becomes an obligation. So, they have learned to work together. Take walking, for example. Their mother assumed they would take turns walking forward or backwards. It made sense to her that they would alternate; one facing the front and the other the back. But the girls had a better idea. They learned to walk sideways, almost like dancing. And they dance in the same direction. They’ve also learned to makeup for each other’s weaknesses. Verona loves to eat but Ruthie finds sitting at the table too dull. Ruthie may only eat a half a cup of fruit a day. This is not really a problem though because, her sister will eat enough for them both. It’s not unusual for Verona to consume three bowls of cereal, two cartons of yogurt, and two pieces of toast for breakfast. Ruthie tends to get restless while her sister eats and has been known to throw a bowl of ice cream across the room. This could lead to discipline for her, but would also have consequences for her sister. You see, when one has to sit in the corner, so does the other. The innocent party doesn’t complain; both learned early on that they are stuck together for the good and the bad. This reminds me of Paul’s words to the church family at Corinthian when he said, If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (I Corinthians 12:26 ) And this is just one of the many lessons these girls can teach us who make up a local church family. I mean., don’t we share the same kitchen in a sense? Aren’t we given nourishment from God’s word in the same room? Aren’t we covered by the same roof and protected by the same walls? We don’t sleep in the same bed, but we do sleep under the same sky. We aren’t sharing one heart but then again maybe we are, for don’t we share the same hope for eternity, the same hunger deep inside our inner most being to be loved? And, like the Cady twins, don’t we share the same body and have the same Father? We do! Paul writes in Ephesians we are indeed part of the same ONE body serving the same ONE Lord children of the same ONE Father. (Ephesians 4:4-5 ) So you see, as Christians in the same local church, we do have a depth of affinity you cannot find anywhere else. Our closest possible friends are found in a local church where there are other Christians who follow Jesus as Lord of their lives.
Now, I know we have described the IDEAL today. No church, NOT EVEN REDLAND, is perfect in each of these qualities of relationship. But I hope this morning we see the value…the importance…of relating to each other in these ways and not just because it meets our relational needs. But because when Jesus commanded us to relate in this way He said that doing so gives evidence of our relationship with Him. Remember His words? In John 13:34-35 He said, A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this will all men know that you are My disciples if you love one another.
In other words, the way we relate has a direct impact on whether or not lost people recognize us as God’s children. This means, our behavior toward each other can affect whether or not an individual comes into relationship with God. They look at us to see if our walk with God makes any difference. And because this is true, you can count on satan attacking us at this point. Experience has taught me that his favorite tactic is to divide believers, to set them against each other, over trivial issues because the more he can do this…the more people he can keep from Jesus.
I’d like us to covenant together at Redland that we will not allow attacks like this to succeed and that we will do all we can to deepen our relationship with God so that we can be the kind of church family that loves unconditionally, one that bears each other’s burdens, one that both encourages and admonishes in love. Let this be a place, where Christians can come and benefit from this gift of Christmas.
If you are not a member of our church family, then ask yourself, is God calling me to join this body of Christ? I can tell you from experience that my best friends in all the world are in this church family. And I know I speak for them when I say we would love to welcome you to this church home.
And, if you are not a Christian then hear this. John’s gospel says, Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for his friends. That is just what Jesus Christ has done for you. Won’t you respond by committing your life to Him as Lord and Savior? Any decision you have to make public, we invite you to do so now, as we stand and sing.