About six weeks ago several headlines featured mothers and their role in society. The content of the articles focused on stay-at-home moms after a report in Australia labeled stay-at-home mothers as the “greatest untapped potential” for the workforce, which in turn caused large economic loss to the country.[i] If you feel the way I do, then you might want to inject some perspective on the subject. Plenty of others did. Some, like Sarrah Le Marquand, thought it high time to make it illegal to be a stay-at-home mom.[ii] If you have a child who is school-aged or older, it’s time to get into the workforce, she says. Somewhere in the mix, women who received college degrees only to then have children and raise them at home became suspect, accused of wasting their education.[iii] The argument is that education is only good for job training, and that it cannot be applied to things like mothering. It claims that an education is good for increasing a business, not investing in family; that it’s for building the economy but not for raising those who will one day help drive it. One article I read was by Elizabeth Broadbent, a self-proclaimed feminist who feels looked down on for her choice to stay at home and raise her kids. She writes, “There is no glory, no glass ceiling in poo-wiping, or mac and cheese cooking, or alphabet teaching.”[iv] The message she felt was clear: “Reading The Cat in the Hat, cooking grilled cheese, and then painting some arts and crafts is a waste of our time and talent.” But since she sees the job of raising her children as too important, Elizabeth Broadbent happily refuses to farm it out. I am thankful for those who wrote to the contrary defending stay-at-home moms, but that big, tangled conversation reveals a lot of confusion in our culture on motherhood.
So let’s be clear on a few things as we begin. First, moms who also have careers outside the home are pretty remarkable, as are those who willingly pause or stop those careers to focus on raising their kids. Add to that the miracle of single moms who have to tackle both career and household all the time. Second, we can be glad that motherhood does not require a degree; children are experts at giving on the job training. Third, many other women come alongside moms to help with child rearing. We are thankful for all of you, and we want to honor all of you today.
I remember when Olivia became attached to Sue Adams in the nursery and started calling her “Nana,” our word for grandmother, and I see how excited she gets when Cheryl or Deborah or Elizabeth or Jennifer come to watch her. And if that means Karen and I are going on a date, I admit I get pretty excited, too.
In the Old Testament we find the story of Ruth, who became an unlikely heroine for her display of character. Turn to the book of Ruth. Today we celebrate mothers and along with them all women of character. We do this, in part, because most of Ruth’s story of character occurred before she ever knew the joy of motherhood. We will look at three aspects of Ruth’s character and how they translate to moms and their crucial roles. The women of character who mold and shape our children need nothing more to be valuable to our society, because what they do is foundational to the success of our society. In fact, mothers are a priceless gift to us from God. If you know the story of Ruth, then you know she was a foreigner who married into an Israelite family. The father died, along with his two sons – one of whom Ruth had married. This left three widows: Naomi and her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah, living in the foreign land of Moab. We will highlight different verses in this book, but let’s begin by reading Ruth 1:8-19a, where Naomi plans to return to her homeland of Israel and leave her two daughters-in-law in Moab:
Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the LORD show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. May the LORD grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.” Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.” But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me–even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons– … At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her. “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.” But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem.
Dedication that Clings
As we examine Ruth’s character, one attribute quickly emerges. Ruth had dedication that clings. In her patriarchal culture, a woman living without a man was certain to face poverty. Since her husband had died, Ruth had two good options. Her own family could provide for her, or through returning to them she might be able to remarry. And yet she decided to stay with Naomi. By the way, Orpah chose to stay with Naomi, too. This could have been tied to an honor-based culture where it would be appropriate for Orpah to stick around until Naomi truly insisted that she go back home. Warren Wiersbe writes, “Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but we wonder whether her heart was really in it.”[v] Either way, we might not fault Orpah for her decision, which made sense, but it’s worth pointing out that people don’t generally name their daughters Orpah, either.
Ruth was different. She showed an extraordinary dedication to Naomi by physically clinging to her. I imagine Naomi looking into the eyes of Ruth and seeing the steely look of a young woman who was not going to take no for an answer. Then Ruth shows her dedication in a speech J. Vernon McGee calls a “literary gem,” adding, “If a monument had been reared to Ruth, this certainly would have been the inscription, chiseled in marble.”[vi]
“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
Mothers who possess this sort of determination don’t find resistance strong enough to match it. It is dedication to the point of absurdity. It’s a resolve fueled not by any expected payoff but by the simple realization that it is necessary. I see this in the moms who attend what feels like the thousandth educational team meeting to help their son have his educational needs recognized. Or in the mother who endures the afternoon drama and homework battles when it would be easier to throw up her hands and let her kids languish for a little peace. Or in the mom who says something loving to the child who just tried to conjure up something mean to say. This is the sort of dedication that clings. It isn’t dependent upon a healthy bank account, it doesn’t run on compliments, and it sets zero expectations on performance. It is stronger than a child’s will, more durable than the best school backpack, and it isn’t dizzied by those new fidget spinner toys.
I and other dads do have dedication, but it is expressed differently. For example, I want to meet my kids needs, but I also want to make sure we have the money to meet those needs. That might sound noble, but it doesn’t often look that way in the thick of things. For example, I think my kids should have clean diapers, but I have done the math, and those diapers cost 28.6 cents apiece. So while I am dedicated to my kids’ needs, that dedication wavers a bit when I see the telltale poofiness or catch an unmistakable whiff of something a mere 93 seconds since the last diaper change. There ought to be a rule that if I haven’t put the baby changing supplies back yet, then the diaper cannot need changing already. And yet it happens. So when I am told the baby has a dirty diaper, I feel compelled to reply with the question, “How dirty?” Dirty enough to mention, I’ve learned, which warrants changing. It doesn’t matter if I point out that 28.6 cents per diaper, multiplied by 93 seconds per change, means we should expect to file for bankruptcy by Thursday afternoon…morning if you factor in wipes. My ideas of allotting 3-4 diapers per baby per day also go unheeded. Why? Because a mother’s dedication is about meeting needs, no matter what – regardless of reasonable allotment, regardless of bank account.
I see this dedication in Karen when she makes cakes for the kids on their birthdays. It doesn’t matter that it takes 18 hours to make or that the ready-made one at the store is actually cheaper. This is her way of making the kids feel special on their birthdays. It’s dedication that clings – dedication to the point of absurdity. That’s one of Karen’s ways of expressing it, and other moms have all sorts of ways of expressing the same thing.
But this is the sort of dedication God calls us to, because the ultimate dedication is to the God whose own heart and passion are expressed in the moms who live it out. They show that the God who redeemed us and was absurdly dedicated to us is worthy of the same dedication to others, including and especially children and those with needs among us. One of the most beautiful examples I have seen of this dedication was actually shown by my mother-in-law after Karen’s grandfather passed away. Every weekend, Annette would travel at the end of her work week from Annapolis to Rehoboth to care for her own mother-in-law, Betty. It didn’t matter whether Betty was cheerful or not. It didn’t matter whether Betty thanked her or not. It didn’t even matter that Betty rarely played card games by the rules. Annette saw that Betty needed a companion. So when others enjoyed a well-deserved weekend, Annette went to help Betty with whatever needed done. No real payoff involved. Just a need recognized and met by someone embodying dedication that clings – a near parallel example of the Ruth-Naomi relationship. It’s impossible to calculate the value of this sort of dedication, because it ultimately is the expression of the heart of our infinite God, and it’s ultimately expressed to our infinite God.
Who in your life embodies that dedication? What are some specific ways you can thank them for it? How can you embody it yourself? Sometimes we look down on this sort of dedication as something beneath us, something not worth our time. Aren’t you glad that God decided we were worth his time and dedication?
A Work Ethic that Turns Heads
Ruth didn’t simply go back with Naomi. She decided to do what she could to support her, and when she did, she displayed a quality found in women of character: A work ethic that turns heads. Aside from her dedication, this was the quality that stood out the most in Ruth’s life. There are four noteworthy aspects of this quality. First, it takes initiative. Naomi never had to approach Ruth to let her know Naomi was getting up in years and would have trouble supporting herself. She didn’t have to suggest that Ruth find some work nearby. Instead, Ruth approached Naomi and volunteered to go glean in the fields. This was the closest thing Israel had to a welfare system. Farm owners wouldn’t be overly carful when they harvested, and they would allow the poor to come and harvest what crops they missed. Once Ruth knew of this system, she decided to take part in it to support herself and her mother-in-law.
Second, this sort of work ethic never tires. I didn’t say that you never tire, but rather the internal drive that is the work ethic keeps going strong. We will, in fact, get tired, but the internal desire to do well keeps us going. In Ruth 2, we learn that she worked all morning with only a short break. Then she continued until evening. Moms, do you ever wish you could clock out for a bit? I am really glad our own home doesn’t have a punch card system! You might take a moment to catch your breath or rest your feet, but even in those moments the work ethic is still going. Maybe it mentally plans the next meal or ponders the last odd statement from one of your children. But it’s there, active, like Ruth’s work ethic. She finished gleaning and then proceeded to beat out the grain at the end of the day to bring it home. That’s the internal drive of a work ethic that never tires.
It also meets needs. That is the driving force behind it, the desire to meet the needs of those around you to improve them. In Ruth’s case, her work ethic resulted in provision for Naomi and herself. After her first day, she gleaned about an ephah of barley to bring home. How much is that? It equals ten omers! If that doesn’t help you, it’s about five gallons worth, which would have fed the women for a couple weeks. Many of us have a work ethic that is designed to meet our own needs – to further our career, to satisfy us, to build our own confidence – and there is nothing wrong with that if kept in a healthy balance. But the work ethic on display here has no personal desire beyond a few sustaining morsels.
Finally, this work ethic gets noticed. In Ruth’s case, when Boaz arrived at the field, he noticed her right away. Then he asked his workers about her, and they had apparently already taken notice of her. The thing that stood out about her was how hard she was working. She had impressed them. For many moms it can often feel as though no heads are turning, no matter how hard they work. That can sure feel discouraging, but it isn’t exactly true. The God who created the gift of work sees and takes note. In fact, his provision is evident in Ruth’s life as a result of her work. She was invited to remain in the safety of Boaz’ field and given special permissions. Naomi was surprised at how much Ruth had gleaned and gave God glory for bringing blessing through Ruth and her work. In 2:12, Boaz even blesses Ruth by saying, “May the Lord repay your work…” And if this area discourages you, you can ask God the same request. Plus, others might notice your work later.
Two years ago, writer Alexa Tanney wrote an article of tribute to her own mother, entitled, “How My Hard-Working Mother Taught Me the Value of Being Independent.” Tanney explains that when she was five years old, her dad became sick and died, and her mom went back to work full time. She writes of the “long days and even longer weeks” her mom spent supporting her three daughters, which led Tanney to state,
“My mother is, hands down, the hardest-working person I know…My mother has taught me so many things growing up: how to love, how to cook, how to be a good person and how to give back to others. But, the biggest lesson she has imparted to me is her work ethic.”[vii]
But Alexa Tanney didn’t notice this quality in her mom while she was growing up. Yet she confidently says that her friends and co-workers would put rate her own work ethic as one of her best attributes. She explains, “To me, working was as natural to me as breathing. I always felt the need either to be working hard or working toward something. Yet, I never knew where this undeniable independence and drive came from, until now.”
That sort of legacy is found through moms whose work ethic turns heads, even if it takes a while. You’ll find it in the mom who volunteers to help in a seemingly endless flow of opportunities. Or in the mother who at the end of a long day with the kids finally turns to the dishes overflowing the sink and that mountain of laundry that will be back again in two more days. The ethic is seen in the one who has also worked all day but watches another couple’s children so they can have a few hours respite; it’s found in the mom who helps in the extended care nursery so other mothers can grow in their faith during worship or Bible study.
So how is your work ethic? Does it turn heads or cause them to grimace and shake? Who in your life has modeled a work ethic for you?
Faith that alters destinies
Ruth leaves for us another quality to emulate, another way we can celebrate moms and other women of character today. It’s a faith that alters destinies. When Ruth returned with Naomi, she returned to a dead family line. That one key sign of God’s favor on women – children – was absent in both Ruth and her mother-in-law. But her return was also an act of faith, which she placed in the God of Israel. The dead family line of Elimelech was given new life through the faith of a foreigner. As you probably know, Boaz was the kinsman-redeemer who married Ruth and continued the family line. That’s a story of redemption. Through our faith, God takes the dead ends of our lives and breathes new life into them. The seemingly menial labor of gleaning is given meaning. So is folding socks, working odd hours around family needs, attending 347 practices and recitals annually, and setting up countless meetings with teachers and doctors. It’s given meaning when it is approached in faith. In Ruth’s case, the continued family line was just the start, because her son became the grandfather of King David – all through the faith of a foreigner willing to trust God and work hard. But we know through David’s lineage came the ultimate kinsman redeemer – Jesus Christ, who redeemed us from our sins. A mother’s faith can alter destinies, countless destinies.
My mother once told me of a prayer she faithfully prayed for my sister and me when we were growing up. It went something like, “God, whenever Kevin does something wrong, I pray that he will get caught.” I am SO glad God didn’t answer that prayer all the time! He did answer the prayer of her heart that it implied: that we grow up to love God and follow him.
Conclusion
This past Tuesday I asked a question of a group of faithful, Ruth-like women at our Tuesday Women’s Bible Study. The question was simply, “Why do you enjoy attending Ladies Bible Study?” Their answers included fellowship, encouragement, praying for each other, and learning the truth. One lady said it gave her the discipline to study the Bible and apply it to her life on the other days of the week. Another mentioned the beautiful mixture of generations, older and younger women, both in the church and from the community, coming together to learn from each other. One simply said, “It’s part of God’s plan.” I am encouraged by a program like Ladies Bible Study that has its own work ethic that turns heads in their faithful meetings together. The plain truth is that our church is filled with women of character who are like Ruth. Today we honor you and thank God for you.
[i] http://www.news.com.au/finance/work/careers/mums-are-economys-greatest-untapped-resource-and-we-need-to-fix-that/news-story/c24cb4dcf32145e0c7f286f0222da75d
[ii] http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/sarrah-le-marquand-it-should-be-illegal-to-be-a-stayathome-mum/news-story/fbd6fe7b79e8b4136d49d991b6a1f41c
[iii] http://thefederalist.com/2017/03/07/no-stay-home-moms-dont-waste-education/
[iv] http://www.scarymommy.com/feminism-left-sahms-behind/
[v] Wiersbe, Warren W. Be Committed (Colorado Springs: Chariot Victor Publishing, 1993), 20.
[vi] McGee, J. Vernon. Ruth and Esther: Women of Faith (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1988), 63.
[vii] http://elitedaily.com/women/supermom/1096298/